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Time is one of the most valuable resources that we have. In our instant world we pay money to save time. Someone else can cook for us and prepare our sandwiches for us. But how much of your time do you invest in your children? I'm not talking about the hours spent cooking, cleaning up after them and washing their clothes. I'm talking about time spent with them.
There are many ways to express love, but one of the key ways of expressing love is through the time you spend with your children. You can of course express love through the way you serve the children, by telling them that you love them, by giving them presents and by giving them hugs, but in a time pressured world it is time that shouts the loudest for many children. Teachers invest time in our children, nursery workers invest time in our children and as parents we need to invest time in them as well. If we give time to our families we will never regret it. Many people at the end of their life say things like, "I wish I'd spent more time with my family." I have never heard anybody say "I wish I'd spent more time at work." It is worth assessing your life and ensuring that your family is a priority not just in intention, but in reality. How much time do you give your children on a weekly basis?
With the busyness of life it is easy to go for a week without ever really talking to your children. Time can be consumed by the TV. Children can be struggling in areas but never have the openness with their parents to share their challenges. By setting aside the time to ask them how their day has been and to share their joys and woes you will foster an open relationship where they know they can share with you without being prejudged. To begin with this may be a strange thing to do. Your children may even be reluctant to open up with you. This simply tells you that it is an area that you need to work on to build trust and conversational skills with your child. It is worth persisting until your child shares their day freely with you. This will mean listening at times without passing judgement and hearing the whole story before you comment. Indeed sometimes the best comments can be in the form of the question. For example: what would you do differently next time? How do you think the other boy would have felt after you said that to him?
Families with the richest relationships are often the ones who set aside one meal a day to eat together, without music on and with the phone ignored. This is time when the family can talk together and share together. However, in the age of fast food, microwave meals and latch key children who let themselves in before their parents return from work, very few families share meals together.
Studies have shown that the relationship between parent and child is greatly enhanced as parents play with their children. It may seem like there is so much else to do for your children, let alone for yourself that it seems hard to find the time to play with them. By the time you have washed the dishes, cleaned their clothes, persuaded them to clean their rooms and do their homework not only are you exhausted but the easy option is to let them slump in front of the TV while you get on with other essential tasks required in running a home.
The task of playing with your children need not be a great burden. The studies have shown that to benefit the relationship between you and your child you should do the following:
As you let your children lead for those few minutes, deciding what to do and leading you to do it each day, their self confidence is allowed to grow and they can have fun with you. This will greatly enhance your relationship with them.
Plan to do some special trips together. Perhaps it will be how you plan to use a day off, or what you plan to do for your next holiday. Perhaps you will have a bonus scheme where the children are rewarded for doing well at school, or for good behaviour. However you choose to do it, build towards exciting events.
Of course don't forget to take a camera on the day, so you can also look back at the fun times that you have had together. Why not create a family scrapbook where you keep a record of all your trips and holidays as a family. The children will love decorating it and processing the fun that they had on the different activities. The activities need not be expensive. The key thing is that they are fun and that you work on them together.
With less than 20% of parents reading a bedtime story to their children regularly, another part of family life has been eroded. Develop a bedtime routine that includes praying with and for your children as well as reading them a story.
Take time every few months to reassess your family life and see how you can develop it. Take radical action now as with every day that passes your children are growing older and you are missing out on enriching family life.
If life seems to have got stuck in a routine, then why not try doing something radical to shake it out of that routine? One Dad was aware that meal times had become boring in their home with his three children. One time he came home from work tired and everybody was sitting there as usual ready to eat. So he livened up things- they moved to the sea ... by sitting underneath the dining room table to eat their fish fingers and covering the table in a blue cloth. They then spent the next hour "under water'.
Life was not boring; home was the most exciting place for the children to be again. The children were pleased to be a part of that family and home became a secure base where they were pleased to bring their friends to. Relationships were enhanced between them all.
Each family is made up of different personalities and characters. Each family is unique just as each person in the family is unique. However you decide to do it, make sure you spend that quality time with the family. It really does make a difference to the family. A happy secure home is the best start that we can give our children in life.
