Revival Times

A Word to Single Parents

Olly Goldenberg

Single parents are a part of the fabric of our society. One in four children in the UK live in a one parent family. Every family faces pressures from life, but single parents are often left to face them alone and feeling unsupported. Be it bereavement, separation, abandonment or becoming a single parent by virtue of having to care for relatives' children, there are many challenges that these parents face, both from the world and from within. Three of the top concerns for single parents are fear, loneliness and shame.

Replace fear with faith in God

Fear can be overwhelming. Fear of how to provide for the children. Fear of how to be a father and a mother. Fear of how your children will turn out. Fear of what the future may hold. 1. Fear must be replaced with faith in God. Fear of the unknown melts when we put our trust in the God who holds the future. 2. Share your fears with fellow cell members so that they can support you. 3. God promises to be a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5) - he is the one who looks out for our children.

God sets the lonely in families

As a lone parent there will no doubt be times when you feel alone. You may have a supportive extended family, a close relationship with your children, a strong cell group and good friends. But when the children are in bed and you are in the living room the feelings of loneliness can arise. You can choose to drown those feelings by keeping busy or to face them and present them to the Lord. 1. God promises to set the lonely in a family (Psalm 68:6). He will place the right people around you to support you. Look for those friendships and invest in them, not looking for support but simply to enjoy them. Then when support is needed they will be there for you and you can be there for them too. 2. Plan some "me time' when you can do what you want as you want. Set aside time once a month to do what you want as you want it. Space from your children will refresh you to be able to give to your children. 3. Find your strength in God as David did (1 Samuel 30:6). When you feel alone and you are on your own, turn to God.

Your identity is in Christ

There may be shame because of the circumstances that resulted in you becoming a single parent or there may be shame because of how others perceive you when they find out you are a single parent.

We cannot change the past but we can give the past to God. Once we have done that we then just have to work through other peoples perception of us. As others bring their judgement on you and label you, you can see your identity is in Christ.

We asked Ruth Daniels to share her experience as a single parent in church.

My place in Christ as a single parent - By Ruth Daniels

Fifteen years ago I gave birth to a beautiful girl that has been a blessing to me - more than I could have imagined. Three years later I came to know Christ - the most important decision I have ever made. As I grew in the Lord and raised my child eaching her his ways became more and more important to me. We needed to look to God if we were going to see his promises manifest in our lives.

Prayer became one of the most important things in my life, especially with the struggle of balancing my life, raising my daughter and working full-time. I prayed to God for wisdom and asking him to teach me how to raise my daughter for his glory. This enabled my daughter and I to make Christ the centre of our home.

We have faced challenges from the world, school and pressures from family and friends. However, God, his word, prayers and the love of friends have enabled us to face every battle.

When I had my daughter, I found myself homeless. I had lost my father in Nigeria and my mother was in Jamaica trying to survive as a widow. I was housed on an estate in North London. I claimed social benefit and lived from one girocheque to another; sometimes not quite making it.

As I grew in the understanding in the word of God, I decided to tithe on what benefits I received. Sometimes that left us with no electricity for one night before my giro arrived. We ate noodles most of the time because it was one of the cheapest things I could buy, but we survived.

What did we do when we had no electricity? I learnt to pray and read the Bible to my daughter when there was daylight and when it became dark we sang songs till we fell asleep. Looking back I realise that this experience made my daughter and I strong in our faith.

I met a Christian lady on the estate when I was considering working or joining one of the government schemes. She suggested that I went to university, but I brushed this aside because I had no confidence in myself. However, she did not give up on me, she took my name and address, without my knowledge, contacted the local authority and applied for a grant on my behalf.

I did go to university, which was tough being a single mother with a three-year-old daughter. I had to drop her with her childminder, make 9am classes, and then pick her up on time at the end of the day. At the end of my course my professor recommended that I did a PGCE. I took her advice and later became a lecturer at FE. Two years later I was promoted to a programme manager where I now head the A Level Business section. None of this would have been possible without God. I am going back to university to do an MA in Education Policy and Culture, and who knows what God is going to do next!

My daughter has grown in the cell vision and I thank God for how the children's ministry, through Olly and Helen Goldenberg, is watering the seeds of God's word in her and is producing much fruit.

Parents, single or married have a choice to either give their children the best gift in life by raising them on a godly foundation that would enable them to walk into the destiny God has predestined for them.

I made a choice to be a prayerful mother and trust God to meet our needs, to guide me and give me the grace to cope with each day. Dare to believe God and see the great things alone can do for you and your child.