Revival Times

Toddler Times

Olly Goldenberg

The toddler times are years of great fun. The children say and try to do funny things. I recently heard a story about parents who were woken up at 5am by a smash. Not sure what they would find, they made their way downstairs. They expected to see a burglar or a smashed window. Instead, on the kitchen floor sat their 2-year-old son in a pile of flour, sugar, coco powder and other contents of the cupboard. "What are you doing?" the parents asked. A little boy-shaped object spoke out through the flour, "I'm making you a cake, daddy."

At other times one suspects a toddler has been put there to test your patience and self-control. A toddler can stretch your tolerance to the absolute limit. In those moments it can be hard to believe that a child is a gift from God.

Yet the toddler years are the most formative years of our lives. A newborn baby has around 100 billion brain cells. In the early days, the links between the brain cells, synapses, form at the rate of 3 billion per second. An 8-month-old has around 1,000 trillion synaptic connections. These links are reinforced by our input. But this rate of growth does not last. At age 2, the creation of synapses stops. At age 10 the brain removes the weakest links that carry no information. Around half of the synapses are removed at this time. The number of synapses then stays the same until the age of 70 when in some cases they are gradually removed. (How to Raise a Brighter Child by Joan Beck, pages 26- 28).

We need to help our toddlers to develop the connections in their brain that will set them up for the future. As it says in Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it."We are shaping the adults of the future as we shape these children.

Many adults testify how early childhood experiences have affected their lives. Perhaps they did well and were praised for their efforts. Perhaps they were laughed at in front of others. Perhaps other siblings, for valid reasons, were given more attention. Perhaps they experienced bereavement.

These toddler years are challenging, enjoyable and foundational. Potty training, sleepless nights, teething, tantrums, starting school, coping with younger siblings and even simply helping toddlers to play safely keep any adult on their toes. No wonder every parent sometimes feels inadequate.

Setting boundaries

One of the challenges parents often face with young children is setting boundaries - and sticking with them. "Don't touch the cooker!" Then they touch it. "Come here!" Then they run off. It can be hard work. You can begin to feel like a parrot. Yet the Bible advises us to discipline the children while they are young (Proverbs 19:18).

So here are some tips:

Set clear boundaries for your children.
Stick with the boundaries, no matter how tired, happy or grumpy you or they are.
If your child breaks a boundary, use discipline. One of the most effective ways to discipline children is to give them "time out'. They have to sit still for a minute to understand that what they did was wrong.
If they wriggle about, then you can have a second "time out' place - such as the bottom step - where they then have to sit.
When the time is up, they should tell you what they have done wrong and you can go over it again. They should say sorry and they should get a cuddle!
Never discipline in anger.

Throwing tantrums

Children throw themselves all over the place when they have a tantrum. They scream and shout, some even hold their breath (don't worry, that can't harm them). Tantrums happen for all sorts of reasons:

Children are frustrated because they don't have the skills to do what they want
Children are frustrated because you are stopping them from doing what they want
Children are hungry
Children are tired
Some children also learn that tantrums are the way to get what they want: "I want a biscuit!" "No!" "Aaaaaaaaah!" "Okay, have a biscuit."

Here are some tips:

Deal with tantrums calmly. Your children need you to be stable and calm.
Put into words what they are feeling. "I know it's frustrating that you're not allowed to run onto the road, but mummy wants to keep you safe."
Make sure they are safe - No tantrums at the tops of stairs! - Then let them work it out of their system.
Don't give them what they want. That will only reinforce the tantrums in future.
Recognise patterns of behaviour and try to work round them. If they have tantrums before supper, give them a snack to keep them going. One parent found her child had tantrums every time she saw a shopping trolley. So mum took her shopping in the morning instead of afternoon, when her daughter was not tired and able to cope. If they have tantrums on the way home from a playgroup, race on the path to see who can get to the end first, or see who can be the first to spot a bird.
When the tantrum is over, reassure your child. Many children cry at the end of the tantrum or sleep because tantrums take a lot of energy.

Playing is learning

Children learn through all sorts of ways. Create opportunities for them to learn. This doesn't need to be expensive. A cardboard box can be used with imagination as a toy. Let your children mix with other children in playgroups, nurseries and the church crÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¨che. This will help them to prepare for school. Toddlers should not watch TV for long periods of time. This can limit their imagination and make them hyperactive.

Safety at home

Is your home toddler-proof? One quick way to find out is to get down on your hands and knees. Look at your home from a toddler's perspective. Overhanging pans, sockets without plugs, sharp edges, and bookshelves full of dangerous objects can all cause problems. Most accidents take place at home where parents drop their guard. You may make some rooms no-go zones.

Connecting with God

Expose your children to God. Let them join you in prayer times. You pray while they can play. Pray before meals. Encourage your children in their faith. Sing worship songs together. Bring them to the crÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¨che and to the monthly Baby Praise meetings. You will be laying a good foundation in their lives. You will be tying up the God-connections in their brain and giving them experiences of God. Don't forget to pray over your children each night, for you are their spiritual covering.